Staying Fine
by shyinkling
Summary: This is about Steve Rodgers and the different chapters will show various parts of his life as I imagine it throughout his life that we do not see in the films. Also a warning the rating may go up in the future for angst still not positive...
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I hope you enjoy this story I do not own Captain America**

It takes all my energy to force air into my lungs. My thought burns as if fire, not air was entering. Sweat beads on my forehead. _It wouldn't do any good to tell anyone, the doctors don't know what to do and I don't want to worry anyone. _I try to be as quiet as possible, because Bucky and I have been hear so long and because we are some of the oldest we are allowed to share our own private room.

I don't want to wake him, I don't want to bother him again, anyway he always worries too much. Bucky however is too attune to miss the coughs I stifle and soon he is rolling out of bed.

"Steve" his voice is full of sleep but he is still blurt

"I'm fine" I manage to get out, forcing down a cough. "Go back to sleep." I clamp my eyes shut, my lungs burning from my attempts to keep from coughing. I don't see him move and I cant even hear him over my frantic heart beets; but I feel it when he lays a hand on my shoulder.

"Steve, you are having another attack. This is the fourth night in a row. Ill go wake one of the nuns." he turns to go but I gasp desperately onto his wrist, my arm shaking.

"No don't! I don't want to bother them. I can't get medicine there is no money so why bother th-" I brake off coughing. I am unable to focus on anything anymore. When the fit is over Bucky is still standing over me and I realize that by some miracle I managed to keep ahold of his wrist. "Please just stay." I whisper pleadingly. Bucky knows I speak the truth, the doctors don't know why my asthma keeps getting worse and the medication I need is too expensive for the orphanage to afford.

"Ill never leave you." he sits down on the edge of my bed forcing a smile. "We will always get through everything together." He scoots over so he is closer to me and very gently lifts my head and rests it in his lap. I close my eyes trying to relax as he runs his fingers soothingly through my hair. Twisting my fingers into the worn cotton of his shirt I focus on breathing. My head being elevated helps and so does Buckys warm presence. Very slowly my breathing becomes less raged and my coughs less frequent. I am finally able to relax.

I wake to find a conferrable weight on my head. Blinking my way to consciousness I realize I am still resting my head on Bucks's lap. Bucky is slumped agents the wall one hand still in my hair, fast asleep. I am content to stay this way savoring the closeness of the moment and the safety I feel with Bucky.


	2. Chapter 2

Rejection stings more than any of the beatings and punches I have endured. Knowing deep down with no uncertainty that they do not want me, that I was not good enough feels as if I swallowed a poisonous acid which eats me from the inside. Slowly burning away each of my organs. Those small printed letters marking my shame. My weakness. My unworthiness. I swallow and attempt to form words, unfortunately my body is failing me once again and all I can manege is a probably pathetically ashamed and stunned expression.

"Go home son. You needn't go to your death."

Finally my tung begins to work "Please sir. Couldn't I just be given the chance to attempt to serve my country?"

The man looks as if torn between laughing and looking sad. "I am sorry to tell you that you wouldn't be of much service on the front lines, perhaps you could find something more in your area of expertise." He claps me on the shoulder as he hands me back the terrible paper.

I take the paper mechanically. _Why do they always hand you a copy of the paper?why do they insist on you keeping a record of your failure? Do they not think I can not remember that I am not good enough? _I walk out, trying not to see the other boys and men who will of corse be accepted. _We are in desperate need of soldiers, they only reject a few, the worst few. _

Dusk is falling over the worn buildings, hiding the level to which they are broken down leaving only there silhouettes agents the sky. _I am stuck hear, safe in this beaten up little city when all I want to do is serve my country. It is my responsibility as an american citizen to do everything I can do. I may not be as strong as some but I can do somethings to help. Anyway isn't that more the reason I don't have that much to lose hear so I should defiantly be willing to try my best. _I hardly pass anyone, everyone I do pass is too busy going along there way to look up, to notice me. _At least when I am invisible no one is beating me into a plump. _Finally outside a building in need of some extreme repairs I turn onto the walk way. _At least this time I didn't tell anyone I was trying again. So there will be no one to laugh to smack my back and ask if I honestly believed I could get in. _

_No. I didn't think so. I had tried to fool myself into thinking I had a chance, but I knew they would have to be crazy to take me. I am week and have more health problems than you can fit on a sheet of paper. But still still I tried because I could not give up. I couldn't be left behind to be useless. And I wont be. _The determination behind those thoughts surprise even me. _If I can fail two times and still go back for a third try who is to tell me I can not go back and try again now. I simply have to work harder become better._ With determined steps I go up the staircase and enter my room. I hardly think about the furnishings. It is in many ways much nicer than I am used to a simple bed and chair but at least it is clean and there is even a window although all it looks out on is the empty street below. It is my temporary place of residency. Barely taking the time to close the door behind me I drop to the floor and attempt to complete what I had seen others do before push ups, as many as I possibly could. My arms shake after only a few but I push on.

_They didn't take you? Because you were week right? Well then I must become stronger._ When my arms will not lift up one more time I change to star jumps. I jump as high as I can and as fast as possible. Very quickly breathing becomes more and more difficult, my throughout not seemingly large enough to let any oxygen into my lungs. I get that strange tingling weakness that comes when I am having one of my asthma attacks. I do not stop, I push on dragging in each raged breath and jumping out, and in out and in. Only when my lungs are immersed in fire and I am coughing uncontrollably do I stop, falling unceremoniously to the ground.

_Why does my body go agents my heart? I know exactly what I want and yet with each step my body attempts to hold me back. Well I will give it my all it might not be as good as others but I can be the best I can be. _

** AN: Thank you so much for reading I would as always love to hear your thoughts on this!**


End file.
